Sometimes it may seem like every member of your family is heading in a
different direction: kids have school, sports, and extracurriculars, not
to mention it's increasingly tough to tear them away from their
smartphones. And if you're like 59% of two-parent American families,
then both you and your partner have jobs outside the home.
But
even if you often find yourselves embarking on separate paths, the most
important relationships you can foster are those right at home—they make
us who we are, after all. We asked top experts what the happiest
families do to successfully come together and grow as a unit. Try
bringing these 18 easy-to-adopt habits into your own home.
They create a family mission statement
Organizations and companies create mission statements as a way to
articulate goals. Families can do it for the same reasons: to teach kids
values and bring the family unit closer. Kids can even contribute to
the process, although "the level of involvement would need to be
adjusted based on the age," says Simon Rego, PsyD, director of
psychology training at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City.
"Younger children would likely benefit from being informed about the
family's mission statement then held to it, while older children may be
invited to shape it." In any case, you're all partners.
They take family history trips
If you can afford to visit the haunts of your forefathers and mothers
in Italy or Ireland, then great—but it doesn't have to be that
complicated or expensive. You could even take your kids
to the spot where you and your partner met, or the town where you or
another relative grew up. "Making that family history come alive builds
relationships," says AARP family expert Amy Goyer. Even better, invite
grandma and grandpa along on the trip. They are, after all, the ultimate
family historians.
They tell stories
Take a trip
without ever leaving the house by sharing stories with your kids from
your past, and by inviting your parents and grandparents to join in.
"Sharing family stories with grandchildren passes on the family's
culture and traditions and provides a sense of connection across the
generations," says Carroll Tingle, chair of human development and family
studies at the University of Alabama. One way to do this is to let the
children interview their grandparents. "They might ask what the
grandparent remembers about the day the grandchild was born," Tingle
says. "Truth is, most children love best those stories where they are
the main character."
The kids are close with their grandparents
Be sure the two generations have plenty of time to visit or at least
talk. Grandparents can be a stabilizing influence: a study in the
Journal of Family Psychology found that adolescents who had more grandparent involvement
in their lives had fewer emotional problems and were more social than
those who had less grandparent involvement. This was especially true in
single-parent households and stepfamilies. "Connections between the generations have long-term benefits for grandparents, parents and children," confirms Tingle.
They have family meetings
If you're old enough to remember
The Brady Bunch, you'll also
remember the official family meeting. It's an idea worth borrowing, says
Marcia Slattery, MD, professor of psychiatry at the University of
Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health. "It's designated time.
Everybody has input and looks forward to it. It's sacred time you keep
together." You can incorporate the family meeting into regularly
scheduled programming such as Sunday dinner or make it a separate piece
of the weekly schedule. "Agenda" items could include reviewing the past
week, the upcoming week's schedule, new activities or problems at
school.
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